Category: <span>Personal development</span>

Dream bigger!

Dream bigger
Last week, I attended a mini-workshop all about tackling fear. On Day 1, ‘Some Kind Of Fairytale’, we each had to write a story.

The story, as you might imagine, was an allegory. I gave mine a happy ending. Which I was then asked to rewrite so it was even happier.

I’m looking at my story now which is full of annotations in the margins. At the end, one annotation stands out. It says DREAM BIGGER!!!

How often do we constrain ourselves without even realising it? Don’t censor your dreams. DREAM BIGGER.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

What’s stopping you?

in brute reality there is no road that is right entirely
One question that often prompts a very enlightening discussion during my coaching sessions is “what’s stopping you?”

A great number of the barriers that hold us back from achieving our goals and dreams are in fact self-constructed.

Perhaps you don’t know where or how to start. You can’t see the woods for the trees, and become overwhelmed by how daunting everything looks. Perhaps you worry about making the wrong decision. Is this what I really want? What if it isn’t the right thing to do? What if I hate it? Perhaps you then over-analyse, exhaustively weighing pros and cons, and end up paralysed by all your options. Perhaps you’re scared of moving out of your comfort zone, and everything looks like a reason not to. It’s not the right time. It’s too risky. Maybe when I win the lottery.

The truth is, there isn’t one right road. There will always be reasons not to. And waiting for everything to fall into place can end up being a very long wait indeed.

You may have heard the saying ‘there’s no such thing as a wrong decision’. You see, how a decision pans out is dependent on a whole range of factors that aren’t necessarily within your control. Selecting the ‘right’ road or taking the ‘correct’ action doesn’t guarantee success. And the converse is also true – making the ‘wrong’ choice doesn’t mean that you’ve set yourself on the path to disappointment. Your action now does not dictate the rest of your life. It’s what you do after you set yourself on any particular path that matters.

If you place too much weight on making the ‘right’ choice, it’s very easy to end up becoming overwhelmed, getting decision paralysis, and stopping before you even start, waiting for something to change your life.

On the other hand, you can take control. Tune into your heart and gut to discover what motivates you and the things that really make you tick. Big goals can be difficult to digest, so think about micro-resolutions – any kind of definitive action, no matter how small. Start moving. Your dream isn’t going to come to you fully formed; it’s going to grow and evolve with every new experience that you have, because it’s your journey that shapes the destination.

Decisions are just decisions. Stop worrying about making the right decision and focus instead on how you’re going to make a decision the right one for you.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Coaching on the Run

This is me and my running buddy, Maria, on one of our favourite routes. We started running together in January 2016 and have since shared rather a lot of miles, not to mention laughs, tears, and confidences. We’ve compared bruises; talked about kung fu and rugby, religion, politics, relationships and much more; and supported each other through a mental health crisis, relationship problems and work woes. She is an amazing woman and mother whom I am very fortunate to be able to call a friend.

These photos were taken today on a gorgeous run, during which we talked about Gavin and Stacey and British Bake-Off, David Tennant’s red silk pants in Don Juan in Soho, Adrian Scarborough and Noel Fielding (although no one could actually remember his name), and also had a couple of rather exhilarating sprints.

Running’s been there in the times when things weren’t quite as jolly, too. Logging the miles, along with the supportive companionship, helped me stay sane and get the necessary headspace to deal with what life was throwing my way.

This is why I like to take my coaching clients outdoors for some of our sessions. Quiet Space’s Coaching on the Run programme brings a different dimension to the coaching process. The natural environment, distance from the stress of home or the workplace, physical exertion, more headspace – the combination can have a cathartic effect that can be a real kickstarter for coaching. Drop me an email at enquiries@quietspacecoaching.co.uk to find out more.

You don’t need to think of yourself as a ‘runner’ to reap the benefits that the outdoors can have for mental health and wellbeing – you can do any combination of walking, jogging or running and it doesn’t matter how slow or fast you go. A mile is a mile, and you’ve got this.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Wonder women

Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls
I feel very strongly about the need to raise our daughters to think naturally of themselves as strong, capable, beautiful and deserving people whose horizons aren’t limited by stereotypes and other people’s issues. When I think about this, two memories come to mind.

There was this one morning when we were on the way out of the house and my 4 year-old suddenly announced that she wanted to look in the mirror. We were in a hurry, so I asked why she needed to. She said “because I want to see how beautiful I am.” For a brief second I wondered whether I should make some comment about modesty and then I stopped myself.

Because she’s four. Damn straight she’s beautiful. She’ll have plenty of time for the world to try and beat it out of her and I’m not going to be the one to start her on that slippery slope. So instead we had a lovely cuddle in front of the mirror and I said “yes, God made you beautiful!”

A second conversation occurred during a phase when she quite often came home telling me that she wanted to be a boy. On one of these occasions I asked, as I usually did, why this was the case. Her response? “Because boys are clever and girls are pretty, but I want to be clever.” Turns out it was another little girl at her nursery who had told her this. I had a word with the nursery staff who took the opportunity to talk to all the children about gender equality!

There are of course much larger societal issues at play, but I think it’s nonetheless true to say that a lot of the barriers all of us face in our lives are psychological ones of our own as well as others’ making.

How do you boost your own self-image and encourage a positive and healthy self-image in others?

Image credit: Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls: Francesca Cavallo and Elena Favilli, https://www.rebelgirls.co/products/good-night-stories-for-rebel-girls

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Carpe Diem

The truth is, most of us discover where we are heading when we arrive
A couple of years ago I had the pleasure of listening to a friend talk about her career history. She is a successful and charismatic administrative professional, but like many others in administrative careers, this wasn’t her answer to the question ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’

One defining quality of her career is that it has been almost entirely unplanned; she thinks of herself as a lucky person for whom things always work out one way or another. Her life has taken her from the army, through the dental industry, to the higher education sector, taking in adult education along the way. Her driver? Simply a desire for learning – on growing through continually seeking out new challenges and opportunities.

Planning is important, but so is remaining open to and seizing opportunities when they come along. Lots of us fall into career ruts because we get into a comfort zone and stop learning.

The takeaway? Stay curious. Keep exploring, learning and speaking with new people. Somewhere in these new experiences is the opportunity. Take the chance when it comes.

Image credit: Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Change: Choice and commitment

A boat is safe in the harbour. But this is not the purpose of a boat.
One of the things about changes that you actually want in your life and your career is that in the main, they don’t happen unless you make a choice to do things differently. That often requires a foray into the unknown.

Sometimes it’s a leap of faith. Taking a chance doesn’t need to be terrifying, though. Careful evaluation of the situation and your options, while remaining open to unexpected opportunities, can be a great start. Coaching can help you to make the change you’ve been wanting to see, focusing first on awareness and understanding, followed by an openness to learning, a call to action, and then commitment to making it happen.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Self-care

Drawing of a flower
I’ve been thinking about self-care. The course of 2015/16 for me was a year of crisis, during which I learnt how vital it is to be nice to yourself. Everyone’s needs are different, but I thought I’d share some of the things that helped me recover my sanity and wellbeing.

1) Running and spending time outdoors
2) Singing in a choir
3) Leaving work in the office
4) Seeking out new experiences
5) Listening to lots of new music
6) Giving and getting hugs (and flowers!)
7) Not taking things personally
8) Knowing when to say no
9) Making micro-resolutions
10) And remembering:
– Not everything has to be excellent
– No one has everything sorted out
– Sometimes it’s all just stuff.

What do you do for self-care?

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Coaching for confidence, focus and resilience

Piano played by the Beatles
Earlier this year I had the wonderful opportunity to play the iconic piano used by the Beatles in Studio 2 at Abbey Road Studios.

Negotiating with my 9 year-old recently about his piano practice I was reminded of this photograph – well-worn keys reflecting a lifetime of dedication.

I’m finding that it can be difficult to help children to learn that things worth having are worth working hard for, and how to bounce back from disappointment or failure when things don’t go your way.

Grit and resilience is something we need to work on as adults, too. Perhaps you’re struggling with confidence or motivation, or life has just become too overwhelming. Coaching can give you a greater awareness and appreciation of all that you are capable of; a renewed focus, structure and purpose; and the tools and support to reach your goals.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Perspective

Exhibit on the moon
I took this at the Museum of the Moon exhibit at the Birmingham Thinktank this summer. It makes me smile – the tiny 4 year-old contemplating the magic of the full moon.

It also makes me think of perspective and our place in the world. We let issues that are inconsequential in the larger scheme of things get to us, when often we need simply to let them go. We can’t always change the world, but we can certainly change our response to it, which can make all the difference to our happiness.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

It’s a journey, not a race

Meme on living in your own time and not others'
Someone sent this to me today and the sentiment vividly reminded me of a three-way peer coaching session that I participated in back in 2013.

When it was my turn to take on the role of the person being coached, I was talking about all the things that I felt I ought to be doing. My coach asked me: “Why are you in such a hurry?” It was a bit of an epiphany, to be honest. Why, indeed?

One of my personal challenges has been my learned tendency to link high achievement with my self-esteem; a singularly unhelpful need to compare my performance against the ‘elite’ in all arenas of my life.

The desire for achievement is important, but can hold us back from being truly happy in our own skin if we end up always looking at how we’re stacking up against everyone else. Learning, growth and success manifest themselves in lots of different ways. Strive on your terms: it’s not a race but a journey, and you’re very much on time, all present and correct.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

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