Letting go and embracing the present

IMG_9010

There’s a quote from Lao Tzu that goes like this: “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Growing often requires letting go. It’s when we stop clinging on to the past that we are able to harness the opportunities of the present.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Symbiosis

At the Dark Hedges, which we visited when we were in Northern Ireland earlier this month, my son was complaining, “what’s so important about these trees anyway?” Cue an impromptu lesson from a lovely Irish passer-by who told him about how old this famous avenue of beech trees is and how trees are connected underground by fungi, all joined together in a perfect symbiosis. It’s kind of like humans, really. We might choose not to see the interdependencies between ourselves, other people and the rest of the world, but they’re there, linking us into the universe.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Turn left?

IMG_8464Turn left? Turn right? Whovians know what happened when Donna turned right instead of left: an alternate reality in which she never met the Doctor, directly leading to his death and eventually a descent into world dystopia.

I think a lot of us feel that way about significant decisions. Right? Left? Pros and cons. What ifs. How do I know what the right decision is? What if I make the wrong decision and live to regret this? Cold feet at the last minute. Second-guessing yourself.

I believe the truth is that we can never know the full implications of any decisions we make. We need to make decisions based on the best knowledge that we have at any given time, and then commit and follow through.

If you’re gripped by decision paralysis, remember this: much of the time there is no right or wrong decision. Whatever choice you make will have its own outcomes – the true impact of a decision is not seen in the moments after making it, but depends on you making that choice the right one for you. Don’t look back to fret about alternate realities that may never have happened even if you had made a different decision.

If you’re having problems making big life and career decisions, coaching can help. Drop me an email or message and let’s get this show on the road.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Your life, in a sentence

Be the author of your own life

I was delighted with this display from The Novel Encounter when I saw it at the National Gallery in Singapore a few weeks ago. A surprise novel in a beautifully minimalist wrapper, summarised in a single sentence. It made me think of three things.

1) Curating my mystery retreat boxes as part of my new transformational development programme for women (currently itself under development!)

2) What the summary of my own story would be. I’m still writing it, so I’ll get back to you on that one.

3) Those Penguin Books memes about the story of your life. Will yours be:

– Oh shit was that today: A memoir
– Well I was clearly into that more than you were: A love story
– Plan B
– If only: A tale of regrets
– Don’t actually press send: Advice from the grave
– How to accept anything: A story about giving up
– Well, that didn’t go as planned
– Finding that special someone: A guide to dying alone

Well? What’s yours going to be? You can pick, or if you don’t like any of those then write your own. Make it a good one, ok?

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Lessons from a sofa

rsz_img_8426

On Monday I was once again at Draycote Water, which has become one of my favourite summer coaching venues. While I was surrounded by nature, one of my clients sent me this photo of a sofa at the spa she’s currently at. It looks a bit like a posh hay bale, and comes complete with authentic leaves down the back of the cushions. Apparently there are several of these sofas around the spa, but people weren’t really sitting on them. Because they are prickly.

It struck me that there were a couple of worthwhile lessons to take from this.

1) It is good to take time out for yourself – ensuring that you are paying regular attention to your psychological and physical wellbeing is really important. It’s not selfish unless all you ever think about is yourself.

2) There is sometimes a big difference between what you think will be good for other people and what will actually be good for them. It is useful to ask rather than assume.

3) Things that look nice are not always nice to have. Perception is not the same as reality. This third point was also one of the significant takeaways that my client took away from Monday morning’s session.

There you go, lessons from a ‘quirky’ sofa.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Freedom

I’m not sure if today’s blog post is going to hang together coherently. There are a few themes running through my head that all connect, but I’m not quite convinced I’ve connected them yet. See what you think.

Anyway. A couple of weeks ago, while attending Mass in Singapore, I listened to a homily about freedom. The message was that freedom shouldn’t be equated with liberation.

Dictionaries commonly define freedom first and foremost as “the power or right to act, speak or think as one wants”. Liberation, meanwhile, is commonly “freedom from limits on thought or behaviour”. So, a bit of a circular reference, but the point was that freedom shouldn’t be about self-gain – what I want, when I want – but should instead be about exercising free will in the service of others, with conscience and responsibility.

Now, there was obviously a religious slant to this, but whether you are of any other faith or none, I thought there was something to reflect on and find relevance in. I last wrote about freedom in the context of wandering, in the context of a book I’ve been reading called “A Little Nostalgia for Freedom” (Steve Bonham). And when I think about wandering, I think about wandering with a purpose. Not to get somewhere, because that is somewhat paradoxical, but as part of inhabiting the world in a certain way; as part of an active choice to remain in a mode of inquiry.

Which brings me to the choices we make. I’ve argued before that everything we do is an act of choice – even when it might seem that we haven’t got a say in a matter, we remain in control of how we react and respond to our circumstances. Henley writes in Invictus: “It matters not how strait the gate/How charged with punishments the scroll/I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul.” The truth is the same for the freedoms we exercise. I think that rights necessarily come with responsibilities and limits, because to argue otherwise leads to anarchy. So in freedom we have to take responsibility for the ways in which we choose to think and act.

You could look at this in two ways – responsibility to self, and responsibility to others. First, there is little point in blaming others for the decisions we make. To do so is to play victim and that’s a slippery slope that comes to no good end. Beyond this, I like to think that there will always be a moral core of decency in people that chooses to look for the best in others and tries often to act for the higher good rather than the selfish gain.

My own take-home message: In a world where you could choose to be lots of things? Choose to be kind.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

On creativity

I love art. I never used to think I was a creative person – I wrote poetry and short stories, but always felt like I was imitating others badly. I told myself I was awful at drawing and painting. I was too shy to act. In short, I put myself in the ‘can’t hack it’ box because I was afraid of not being perfect.

Fast forward to now and all the things I have learnt over the past few years, and I have discovered so much, including that I am, and you are, and everybody is – an artist. We just need to learn how to let ourselves be creative. So many things stop us: perfectionism, our attitude towards risk, lack of self-esteem, and ultimately fear.

I’ll be writing more in coming weeks about creativity. For now, I’ll leave you with these snapshots of pieces I saw when on holiday in Singapore a couple of weeks ago.

1) Robert Jahns, “NYC balloons”, Lumas Gallery
2) Milenko and Delia Prvacki, part of “Interchange”, Dhoby Ghaut MRT station, Singapore
3) Nancy Lee, “Umbrellas Movements”, Lumas
4) Sun Yu-Li, part of “Universal Language”, Dhoby Ghaut MRT station, Singapore
5) Andy Warhol, “Cans”, Lumas

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd