Break through your barriers
What if everything were possible? What if I told you it is, and it’s waiting for you?
– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd
10 choices of successful people
Here’s the first of what will be a mini-blog series of bite-sized things to ponder.
Today’s prompt is:
None of these things requires talent. Want success? Go get it. You’ve already got it inside you.
– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd
Identity and the Community of Selves
I’ve been mulling over the topic of identity a lot in recent weeks following some pretty intense client sessions, and thought I’d share some of my thoughts.
One thing I’ve been introducing to clients has been the idea of the self-concept – your collection of beliefs about yourself – and how this can affect your perceptions about how others view you. Those of you who know your Carl Rogers will be familiar with his theory of self-concept, comprising self-image (your view of yourself), self-worth (the value you place on yourself), and the ideal self (the person you wish you were). Unless these components overlap, people will find themselves out of balance with respect to how they relate to their world, leading to unhappiness, dissatisfaction and lack of confidence.
Your self-concept isn’t immutable; it’s something that develops and changes throughout life as you grow and learn. It’s shaped by all sorts of factors, such as your environment.
I’ve lived a life on two different continents since having relocated to the UK nearly two decades ago. For the first few years after moving I felt a bit lost in the in-between, never knowing if I was coming or going. I didn’t only speak differently; I acted differently depending on whether I was here, or there. What had been home was full of hardwired associations with family, school, and childhood traumas, and I found myself falling into all the old patterns when with family and friends. On the other side I was anonymous; free to rewrite my story.
I’ve found it helpful both in my own life and when working with clients to think about identity not as a single entity, but rather as a “community of selves” that come to the fore in different arenas of your life. You’ll probably recognise this if you consider your own life: do you see yourself differently depending on where you are and the people you’re interacting with? Do you see the dedicated athlete? The corporate professional? The strict parent; the stubborn child; the jokey friend; the weekend warrior?
Sometimes some of these identities may seem to be in conflict. Perhaps you’re a highly-respected expert in your particular industry but find yourself unable to assert yourself in social situations. Or perhaps you’re the life of the party, but the idea of public speaking sends you into a cold sweat.
But you can learn to choose which aspects of you you’re going to allow to take centre-stage at any point in your life and in whatever circumstance. You can learn to own your identity and define how you want to see yourself; to realise that you’re not any single one of the labels that you or anyone else gives you. You’re much richer and more complex and more beautiful than that, and you have the power to choose which mantle you’re going to put on – and when.
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself;
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
– Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass
Has this resonated with you? Get in touch.
– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd
Get ready to live your dreams
The recipe:
1) Meet new people.
2) Get out of your comfort zone.
3) Dream bigger.
4) Progress, not perfection.
5) Take control of your fear.
6) NOW is the time.
What are you waiting for? Start here; start now. Get in touch for a chat about how Quiet Space can help you soar.
– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd
You are enough
On Friday I met two coaching clients and a key theme in both sessions was their perceptions of other people’s opinions and judgments.
Confidence and good self-esteem can be such a hard-won thing – particularly for women. We see in other people the things we don’t believe we measure up to, and our insecurities make us believe that they are judging us on what we see to be our inadequacies. Sometimes we put on masks to be the people that we think we ought to be.
We can unlearn all these unhelpful thought patterns, and learn to give ourselves the freedom not only to be who we really are, but to realise that we are all that we need to be.
You are enough – and not only that, you are loved, and you are amazing. Never forget that.
– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd
Define your own success
I confess to having fallen prey to some Instagram envy yesterday. I was having a bit of a nose around the way other people live and came across the account of someone I know from a previous life (and who therefore isn’t some virtual person on the other side of the world). She has a gorgeous Instagram feed – everything is incredibly stylish, impeccably curated and impossibly glamorous. How does she do that?
And then I got to thinking. I remembered that it’s me who chooses what I spend my time on. It’s easy to get your head turned by the beautiful and unfamiliar, but it doesn’t mean that it’s something that you should aspire to.
So I asked myself a few questions. What do I value? What are my goals? Do I really want what she has? Someone else’s gilded life doesn’t mean that mine pales in comparison, because success is measured in lots of different ways and by relative means.
Comparisons are often a recipe for dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Rather than envying what it looks like someone else has or feeling inadequate, take a look within. What’s at the root of your emotions? What is it that you actually want?
Other people’s successes don’t define your success. You define your success. Achievement is individual. You don’t need to compete with anyone else to win.
Do you agree? Leave a comment, like this post and follow Quiet Space. Message to get in touch – come work with me to identify and achieve your real goals!
– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd
This is not your practice life
Are you making the most of what life has to give? Or are you putting off what you really want to do, blaming your fears or the suffocation of the daily grind?
Life is all about the choices we make. We always have a choice – opting for one thing over another, or deciding how to respond to what life throws at us.
This shot is from the Spring Wolf Run in April 2016 – one of my bucket list experiences that I dived into during crisis point. I was hypothermic by this stage in the race and was having to skip the freezing water obstacles (ended up in the med tent to get my temperature back up from 34 C) – but I wasn’t missing the 100-metre mud slide!
If you’ve been wanting to make changes in your life, or life is telling you that you need to, NOW is the time. You don’t have to start with a big bang. That something that’s going to change your life? It starts with small steps, reawakening yourself with new experiences, being kind to yourself and then going out there and absolutely killing it, because you are amazing.
– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd
Dream bigger!
Last week, I attended a mini-workshop all about tackling fear. On Day 1, ‘Some Kind Of Fairytale’, we each had to write a story.
The story, as you might imagine, was an allegory. I gave mine a happy ending. Which I was then asked to rewrite so it was even happier.
I’m looking at my story now which is full of annotations in the margins. At the end, one annotation stands out. It says DREAM BIGGER!!!
How often do we constrain ourselves without even realising it? Don’t censor your dreams. DREAM BIGGER.
– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd
What’s stopping you?
One question that often prompts a very enlightening discussion during my coaching sessions is “what’s stopping you?”
A great number of the barriers that hold us back from achieving our goals and dreams are in fact self-constructed.
Perhaps you don’t know where or how to start. You can’t see the woods for the trees, and become overwhelmed by how daunting everything looks. Perhaps you worry about making the wrong decision. Is this what I really want? What if it isn’t the right thing to do? What if I hate it? Perhaps you then over-analyse, exhaustively weighing pros and cons, and end up paralysed by all your options. Perhaps you’re scared of moving out of your comfort zone, and everything looks like a reason not to. It’s not the right time. It’s too risky. Maybe when I win the lottery.
The truth is, there isn’t one right road. There will always be reasons not to. And waiting for everything to fall into place can end up being a very long wait indeed.
You may have heard the saying ‘there’s no such thing as a wrong decision’. You see, how a decision pans out is dependent on a whole range of factors that aren’t necessarily within your control. Selecting the ‘right’ road or taking the ‘correct’ action doesn’t guarantee success. And the converse is also true – making the ‘wrong’ choice doesn’t mean that you’ve set yourself on the path to disappointment. Your action now does not dictate the rest of your life. It’s what you do after you set yourself on any particular path that matters.
If you place too much weight on making the ‘right’ choice, it’s very easy to end up becoming overwhelmed, getting decision paralysis, and stopping before you even start, waiting for something to change your life.
On the other hand, you can take control. Tune into your heart and gut to discover what motivates you and the things that really make you tick. Big goals can be difficult to digest, so think about micro-resolutions – any kind of definitive action, no matter how small. Start moving. Your dream isn’t going to come to you fully formed; it’s going to grow and evolve with every new experience that you have, because it’s your journey that shapes the destination.
Decisions are just decisions. Stop worrying about making the right decision and focus instead on how you’re going to make a decision the right one for you.
– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd
Coaching on the Run
This is me and my running buddy, Maria, on one of our favourite routes. We started running together in January 2016 and have since shared rather a lot of miles, not to mention laughs, tears, and confidences. We’ve compared bruises; talked about kung fu and rugby, religion, politics, relationships and much more; and supported each other through a mental health crisis, relationship problems and work woes. She is an amazing woman and mother whom I am very fortunate to be able to call a friend.
These photos were taken today on a gorgeous run, during which we talked about Gavin and Stacey and British Bake-Off, David Tennant’s red silk pants in Don Juan in Soho, Adrian Scarborough and Noel Fielding (although no one could actually remember his name), and also had a couple of rather exhilarating sprints.
Running’s been there in the times when things weren’t quite as jolly, too. Logging the miles, along with the supportive companionship, helped me stay sane and get the necessary headspace to deal with what life was throwing my way.
This is why I like to take my coaching clients outdoors for some of our sessions. Quiet Space’s Coaching on the Run programme brings a different dimension to the coaching process. The natural environment, distance from the stress of home or the workplace, physical exertion, more headspace – the combination can have a cathartic effect that can be a real kickstarter for coaching. Drop me an email at enquiries@quietspacecoaching.co.uk to find out more.
You don’t need to think of yourself as a ‘runner’ to reap the benefits that the outdoors can have for mental health and wellbeing – you can do any combination of walking, jogging or running and it doesn’t matter how slow or fast you go. A mile is a mile, and you’ve got this.
– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd