Career Reinvention Day – 15% discount!

Who’s coming to the workshop on 21st April?! It’s gonna be good. Here’s a sneak peek at delegate workbooks and the cards we’ll be using as tools for one of our exercises on finding out your values, strengths and skills! Plus a three-course lunch from the award-winning Warwick Conferences, at the University of Warwick in Coventry (and Warwickshire), and a valuable follow-up coaching session with me to consolidate your learning from the workshop.

Pssst – now running a 15% discount for the final 3 spaces! Message me for your code, and then get your place at http://www.quietspacecoaching.co.uk/events!

Returning to work after a career break

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In a week encompassing International Women’s Day and Mothering Sunday, I’ve been thinking about women’s careers in the context of gender inequality – glass ceilings, the gender pay gap, harassment, societal expectations and conditioned expectations of self. I don’t want to get too political today though, so maybe gender inequality is a topic for some other time. What I did want to write about was my perspective on the impact that motherhood has on your career, particularly with your first child or when you’ve taken an extended career break to raise your family (still a disproportionately female endeavour, but yes, politics…).

In the course of my coaching career, as well as in previous management roles, I’ve worked a great deal with women who have taken time out of the office for family reasons. One thing is clear, whether you’ve had nine months of maternity leave with your first child, or a fifteen-year career break to raise three children, returning to the world of work can be hugely daunting, both in the prospect of return and in the actual transition.   

The challenges vary from person to person, of course, but I think there is nonetheless a great deal of commonality in the experience. If you’re returning from maternity leave, fatigue and overload are often front and centre – quite apart from horrific sleep deprivation (and the concomitant caffeine dependency) if you’ve been battling with a child who clearly hasn’t read the sleep manuals, you might still be coming to terms with a new physical and psychological identity in which the person you once knew has gone AWOL, replaced by someone who’s mostly forgotten how to have a proper adult conversation and whose life for most of the past year has mainly consisted of attempting to get out of the house before you’re due back home and trying to drink a cup of tea that hasn’t been microwaved at least twice (although you do now have new skills that include being able to switch off lights with your toes and work a variety of household gadgets with your elbow).

And when you return, everything is simultaneously familiar and foreign (all the more  so if, like me, you decided to get a new job while you were on leave – you know, because you are slightly masochistic). Your sleep deprivation is magnified from the exhaustion of being back in the work environment and absorbing new information in addition to re-learning all the things you forgot while you were away. Plus you’ve still got all your responsibilities at home, juggling kids’ schedules alongside keeping the household ticking over and in a vaguely clean, fed and organised state, and bearing the mental load of remembering everything on that burgeoning task list. You think you’re failing at everything because you still expect yourself to be able to perform the way you did before life changed and now you are neither a good employee (because you can no longer work all hours) nor a good mother (having left the baby wailing at nursery), or indeed a good wife/partner (because you are almost exclusively a mother and have somewhat forgotten how to be yourself). And then when you’re finally up to speed at work again – maybe, just maybe, you find yourself fretting about no longer having the focus or ambition you once had.

If you’ve been out of the workforce for a matter of years rather than months, lack of confidence and the issue of identity can feel like even more of an insurmountable barrier. The gap in your work history can feel like an ending, and your professional self a distant memory. Because you’re firmly rooted in a different world, going back is about something larger than a ‘return’ – it necessitates a re-invention. Perhaps you don’t want to go back to your previous sector or industry, or discover you’re going to need further education and retraining to get anywhere. Then the big questions start. Who are you now? Who do you want to be? What are you interested in (that will pay you)? What do you actually want out of a career? Where do you start? How do you get from now to where you want to be? Are you even going to be able to get a job? Do you have any currently marketable skills? Are you going to fall flat on your face?

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been away for; the time will have changed you. Your priorities, values, interests and skillsets are likely to have shifted, and with them possibly also what you might want from your career. Sometimes a career change isn’t what you want, but is nonetheless going to be enforced due to childcare issues or the lack of a sufficiently supportive or flexible work environment. More often than not, however, many women come to a realisation that they themselves want to make a change that will fit their new circumstances or desires more closely. But this doesn’t mean that your career has no future. Take note: your career doesn’t have to stop because you’re now a parent and might want to move to part-time or flexible hours, or to a job that fits more easily around family.  

Where do you go from here? There are a few things worth reflecting on, I think.

The first is that you probably have more going for you than you might realise even if you’ve been out of the work world for years. Coordinating three children and a household? Administration, organisation and budgeting, not to mention creativity and the ability to pull things out of a hat at the last minute (World Book Day, I’m looking at you). Volunteering with the PTA? Tact, teamwork and negotiation. You get the idea. I don’t say this to be flippant; the important point here is about recognising transferable skills and being able to present them in a way that’s relevant to potential employers.

The second is giving yourself time and permission to ease back in, because it often takes at least 3-6 months to properly get to grips with the big change in your routine and to start feeling like you know what you’re doing. In any job the learning curve can last for a year or more. Don’t expect, after just two weeks on the job, to be back at the level you were. Be kind to yourself.

Thirdly, I think there are always compromises. Can you have it all? Personally, I think that every choice you make about how to spend your time means a choice to not focus on something else. But that also means that you don’t need to feel guilty if you’re not keeping all the balls in the air 100% of the time. Some things will give. And that’s ok.

And the final point? You don’t need to do it alone. If you’re currently planning a return from maternity leave or a long career break and this article has struck a chord with you, get in touch to see how return to work coaching can help you make the transition back into the working world with confidence. Take a look too at the upcoming Career Reinvention Day for a perfect kickstart.

To your success.

Not knowing

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Today I talked to someone about working with, rather than against, fear and the unknown. I don’t believe in looking for the ‘right’ choice when we’re trying to make a decision about our careers, because I think we have the power to shape our realities and any choice we make will lead to its own unique set of opportunities. There’s power in not knowing, and being free to discover what will come along the way. As the writer Antonio Machado says: “Traveller, there is no path, the path is made by walking.”

Book recommendation: Not Knowing: The Art of Turning Uncertainty Into Opportunity, Steven D’Souza and Diana Renner.

Career Reinvention Day

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Take some time out this April to invest in yourself! This special career reinvention day is for you if you’ve been feeling a little (or more than a little!) disillusioned or dissatisfied with your career. Maybe you’re in a job you hate or in a career rut, but you don’t know what else you could do or what you really want. You’d like to take action, but you feel stuck.

This reinvention day is also for you if you’re someone who’s looking to return to work after a long career break. Maybe you’ve been dealing with illness, or perhaps you took time out to raise your family. You’d like to get back into the working world but you don’t know what you would be suited to and you’ve lost some confidence.

Bookings and full details at www.quietspacecoaching.co.uk/events. Come join us!

New year, new career resolutions

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What was 2017 like for your career?

“I’m unhappy but I don’t know how to change things.”
“I feel like I’m in a career rut.”
“I want to look for a new job but I don’t know where to start.”
“I’m applying for jobs but I’m not getting any interviews!”
“How do I get a job like the one she has?”

Does any of that resonate with you? Do you want some answers? I can help. Get in touch if you want to:

1) Find out what your career identity is and what your career options are.

2) Discover what you value in a career and what motivates and drives you.

3) Build confidence through gaining greater awareness of your key strengths and skills as well as your self-limiting beliefs and assumptions.

4) Work out your career goals in the short, medium and longer term and whip up an action plan.

5) Get networking tips, polish your CV, learn about the hidden job market and land your dream job in 2018!

Even better, get 20% off till the end of December! http://www.quietspacecoaching/services/career-health-check. Email me for a no-obligation chat.

Paving the way for dreams

Last week I was on the night shift at Radcliffe House, University of Warwick, as part of a work shadowing arrangement. Radcliffe’s recently undergone a big refurb and I love the new decor. Recognise any of these delegate archetypes?

Warwick Conferences has been kind enough to let me come on board for a while so that I can find out what goes on behind the scenes at their award-winning training and conference centres. I’ve only been with them for two shifts so far but have already learnt loads from their fantastic staff about ensuring a fabulous customer experience.

I’ve been consciously setting out to embrace new learning experiences for some time now and getting insight into the hospitality industry is all about preparation for my longer-term dream for Quiet Space – a transformative retreat in the Warwickshire countryside, for when life gets a bit too much and you need some help with regaining headspace, peace and balance.

The vision? The Quiet Space would offer coaching as a core part of its transformative experience, alongside yoga and meditation, guided walks and runs, great food, and spaces designed to soothe the soul and mind, with music, a beautiful library, and a creative studio. Things are, of course, going to evolve over the next few years as I continue to learn and grow. I wonder what it will look like when I get there?

What are your long-term goals, and how are you laying the foundations now for realising those future dreams?

What’s stopping you?

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One question that often prompts a very enlightening discussion during my coaching sessions is “what’s stopping you?”

A great number of the barriers that hold us back from achieving our goals and dreams are in fact self-constructed.

Perhaps you don’t know where or how to start. You can’t see the woods for the trees, and become overwhelmed by how daunting everything looks. Perhaps you worry about making the wrong decision. Is this what I really want? What if it isn’t the right thing to do? What if I hate it? Perhaps you then over-analyse, exhaustively weighing pros and cons, and end up paralysed by all your options. Perhaps you’re scared of moving out of your comfort zone, and everything looks like a reason not to. It’s not the right time. It’s too risky. Maybe when I win the lottery.

The truth is, there isn’t one right road. There will always be reasons not to. And waiting for everything to fall into place can end up being a very long wait indeed.

You may have heard the saying ‘there’s no such thing as a wrong decision’. You see, how a decision pans out is dependent on a whole range of factors that aren’t necessarily within your control. Selecting the ‘right’ road or taking the ‘correct’ action doesn’t guarantee success. And the converse is also true – making the ‘wrong’ choice doesn’t mean that you’ve set yourself on the path to disappointment. Your action now does not dictate the rest of your life. It’s what you do after you set yourself on any particular path that matters.

If you place too much weight on making the ‘right’ choice, it’s very easy to end up becoming overwhelmed, getting decision paralysis, and stopping before you even start, waiting for something to change your life.

On the other hand, you can take control. Tune into your heart and gut to discover what motivates you and the things that really make you tick. Big goals can be difficult to digest, so think about micro-resolutions – any kind of definitive action, no matter how small. Start moving. Your dream isn’t going to come to you fully formed; it’s going to grow and evolve with every new experience that you have, because it’s your journey that shapes the destination.

Decisions are just decisions. Stop worrying about making the right decision and focus instead on how you’re going to make a decision the right one for you.

Wonder women

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I feel very strongly about the need to raise our daughters to think naturally of themselves as strong, capable, beautiful and deserving people whose horizons aren’t limited by stereotypes and other people’s issues. When I think about this, two memories come to mind.

There was this one morning when we were on the way out of the house and my 4 year-old suddenly announced that she wanted to look in the mirror. We were in a hurry, so I asked why she needed to. She said “because I want to see how beautiful I am.” For a brief second I wondered whether I should make some comment about modesty and then I stopped myself.

Because she’s four. Damn straight she’s beautiful. She’ll have plenty of time for the world to try and beat it out of her and I’m not going to be the one to start her on that slippery slope. So instead we had a lovely cuddle in front of the mirror and I said “yes, God made you beautiful!”

A second conversation occurred during a phase when she quite often came home telling me that she wanted to be a boy. On one of these occasions I asked, as I usually did, why this was the case. Her response? “Because boys are clever and girls are pretty, but I want to be clever.” Turns out it was another little girl at her nursery who had told her this. I had a word with the nursery staff who took the opportunity to talk to all the children about gender equality!

There are of course much larger societal issues at play, but I think it’s nonetheless true to say that a lot of the barriers all of us face in our lives are psychological ones of our own as well as others’ making.

How do you boost your own self-image and encourage a positive and healthy self-image in others?

Image credit: Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls: Francesca Cavallo and Elena Favilli, https://www.rebelgirls.co/products/good-night-stories-for-rebel-girls

Carpe Diem

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A couple of years ago I had the pleasure of listening to a friend talk about her career history. She is a successful and charismatic administrative professional, but like many others in administrative careers, this wasn’t her answer to the question ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’

One defining quality of her career is that it has been almost entirely unplanned; she thinks of herself as a lucky person for whom things always work out one way or another. Her life has taken her from the army, through the dental industry, to the higher education sector, taking in adult education along the way. Her driver? Simply a desire for learning – on growing through continually seeking out new challenges and opportunities.

Planning is important, but so is remaining open to and seizing opportunities when they come along. Lots of us fall into career ruts because we get into a comfort zone and stop learning.

The takeaway? Stay curious. Keep exploring, learning and speaking with new people. Somewhere in these new experiences is the opportunity. Take the chance when it comes.

Image credit: Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson.