Blooming, like a rose

rose bloomingElizabeth Appell wrote: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

It’s sometimes said that hitting rock bottom can truly be the making of you. Unlike in the velvety rut of your comfort zone, you are galvanised into action, because the perceived risk of change pales in comparison to the pain of staying where you are. So you change, and you learn, and you grow, and look at that – that rose – is that you? Why, yes, yes it is; finally unfurling. That’s the beauty of you, in you all along.

Come with me, take my hand, and let’s step onto the path to this adventure together.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Words to myself, at 10, 15, 18, 21, 32 and 35

IMG_8161I am really proud of how this little girl has turned out.

If I had the chance to say something to her at the age of 10, I’d say things get a lot better. The days won’t always be so dark. You won’t always be bullied and this is making you much, much stronger.

If I had the chance to say something to her at the age of 15, I’d say that you are incredibly beautiful, and strong, and perfectly enough. You have always been perfectly enough. Let those who love you support you.

To her at the age of 18, I’d say this relationship is not good for you. Know that others love you so much and the world isn’t going to end if you break up with him. You will learn to value and love yourself and how to stand up for yourself. You’ll learn how not to be emotionally blackmailed.

To her at 21, I’d say that others don’t love you because of your grades and your achievements. Truth be told, these things matter quite little in the larger scheme of things. People love you just because you are you. No matter what.

To her at 32, I would say that you don’t have to be a perfect mum, wife, daughter, employee. You don’t have to be perfect, full stop.

And to her at 35, I’d say you’ll hit rock bottom, but the only way is up. And what a fabulous journey it’s going to be. I promise. Things won’t always be easy, but you’ll finally have learnt to love yourself. And it’s then that you will truly be able to give, give, give. God had a plan for you after all. And you’ll be filled with gratitude.

Looking forward to whatever’s round the corner. This world is so big and so full of promise.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Not knowing

The illusion of control

Today I talked to someone about working with, rather than against, fear and the unknown. I don’t believe in looking for the ‘right’ choice when we’re trying to make a decision about our careers, because I think we have the power to shape our realities and any choice we make will lead to its own unique set of opportunities. There’s power in not knowing, and being free to discover what will come along the way. As the writer Antonio Machado says: “Traveller, there is no path, the path is made by walking.”

Book recommendation: Not Knowing: The Art of Turning Uncertainty Into Opportunity, Steven D’Souza and Diana Renner.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Show them you’re worth it

IMG_6164

Just a few days left of 2017; time to do a final bit of soul-searching!

What were your adult relationships like this year? Were they a healthy meeting of minds; a set of equal partnerships? Or did you fear what others were saying about you? Did you feel judged? Were you a doormat?

If you want people to treat you differently, first you have to show them how you should be treated. Start by looking inward. Healthy relationships start with you being whole and valuing your worth. You need to realise your value and start to treat yourself differently before you can show the world you’re worth it.

I’ve been there. It’s hard. But I’m here to show you that it is absolutely possible. Come follow me and let’s be awesome together in 2018!

With love, Natalie x

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Get ready to live your dreams

The recipe:

1) Meet new people.
2) Get out of your comfort zone.
3) Dream bigger.
4) Progress, not perfection.
5) Take control of your fear.
6) NOW is the time.

What are you waiting for? Start here; start now. Get in touch for a chat about how Quiet Space can help you soar.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

You are enough

Light box with "you are enough" message
On Friday I met two coaching clients and a key theme in both sessions was their perceptions of other people’s opinions and judgments.

Confidence and good self-esteem can be such a hard-won thing – particularly for women. We see in other people the things we don’t believe we measure up to, and our insecurities make us believe that they are judging us on what we see to be our inadequacies. Sometimes we put on masks to be the people that we think we ought to be.

We can unlearn all these unhelpful thought patterns, and learn to give ourselves the freedom not only to be who we really are, but to realise that we are all that we need to be.

You are enough – and not only that, you are loved, and you are amazing. Never forget that.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Paving the way for dreams

Last week I was on the night shift at Radcliffe House, University of Warwick, as part of a work shadowing arrangement. Radcliffe’s recently undergone a big refurb and I love the new decor. Recognise any of these delegate archetypes?

Warwick Conferences has been kind enough to let me come on board for a while so that I can find out what goes on behind the scenes at their award-winning training and conference centres. I’ve only been with them for two shifts so far but have already learnt loads from their fantastic staff about ensuring a fabulous customer experience.

I’ve been consciously setting out to embrace new learning experiences for some time now and getting insight into the hospitality industry is all about preparation for my longer-term dream for Quiet Space – a transformative retreat in the Warwickshire countryside, for when life gets a bit too much and you need some help with regaining headspace, peace and balance.

The vision? The Quiet Space would offer coaching as a core part of its transformative experience, alongside yoga and meditation, guided walks and runs, great food, and spaces designed to soothe the soul and mind, with music, a beautiful library, and a creative studio. Things are, of course, going to evolve over the next few years as I continue to learn and grow. I wonder what it will look like when I get there?

What are your long-term goals, and how are you laying the foundations now for realising those future dreams?

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

This is not your practice life

Wolf Run mud slide
Are you making the most of what life has to give? Or are you putting off what you really want to do, blaming your fears or the suffocation of the daily grind?

Life is all about the choices we make. We always have a choice – opting for one thing over another, or deciding how to respond to what life throws at us.

This shot is from the Spring Wolf Run in April 2016 – one of my bucket list experiences that I dived into during crisis point. I was hypothermic by this stage in the race and was having to skip the freezing water obstacles (ended up in the med tent to get my temperature back up from 34 C) – but I wasn’t missing the 100-metre mud slide!

If you’ve been wanting to make changes in your life, or life is telling you that you need to, NOW is the time. You don’t have to start with a big bang. That something that’s going to change your life? It starts with small steps, reawakening yourself with new experiences, being kind to yourself and then going out there and absolutely killing it, because you are amazing.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

Kintsukuroi

Example of Kintsugi

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in
– Leonard Cohen, Anthem

This photograph is an example of Kintsukuroi (also known as Kintsugi). It’s a Japanese tradition and art form whereby broken pottery is repaired using lacquer that’s been mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum. The philosophy of Kintsukuroi is that breakage and repair is part of the the history of an object that should be recognised and valued, rather than being something to disguise.

It may well be a cliché but our mistakes, pain and setbacks are all part of the experiences that make us who we are. We have a choice to fold and give up, or learn from the experience and keep going. Breaking can make us better, given the right care, time and someone to help us see the way.

Image credit: Found via a Google search – original photographer unknown.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd

What’s stopping you?

in brute reality there is no road that is right entirely
One question that often prompts a very enlightening discussion during my coaching sessions is “what’s stopping you?”

A great number of the barriers that hold us back from achieving our goals and dreams are in fact self-constructed.

Perhaps you don’t know where or how to start. You can’t see the woods for the trees, and become overwhelmed by how daunting everything looks. Perhaps you worry about making the wrong decision. Is this what I really want? What if it isn’t the right thing to do? What if I hate it? Perhaps you then over-analyse, exhaustively weighing pros and cons, and end up paralysed by all your options. Perhaps you’re scared of moving out of your comfort zone, and everything looks like a reason not to. It’s not the right time. It’s too risky. Maybe when I win the lottery.

The truth is, there isn’t one right road. There will always be reasons not to. And waiting for everything to fall into place can end up being a very long wait indeed.

You may have heard the saying ‘there’s no such thing as a wrong decision’. You see, how a decision pans out is dependent on a whole range of factors that aren’t necessarily within your control. Selecting the ‘right’ road or taking the ‘correct’ action doesn’t guarantee success. And the converse is also true – making the ‘wrong’ choice doesn’t mean that you’ve set yourself on the path to disappointment. Your action now does not dictate the rest of your life. It’s what you do after you set yourself on any particular path that matters.

If you place too much weight on making the ‘right’ choice, it’s very easy to end up becoming overwhelmed, getting decision paralysis, and stopping before you even start, waiting for something to change your life.

On the other hand, you can take control. Tune into your heart and gut to discover what motivates you and the things that really make you tick. Big goals can be difficult to digest, so think about micro-resolutions – any kind of definitive action, no matter how small. Start moving. Your dream isn’t going to come to you fully formed; it’s going to grow and evolve with every new experience that you have, because it’s your journey that shapes the destination.

Decisions are just decisions. Stop worrying about making the right decision and focus instead on how you’re going to make a decision the right one for you.

– Written by Natalie Snodgrass Tan, Quiet Space Ltd